The time has come when I start to lose emotional attachments to this ugly little baby blog of mine. And I've got a new URL below:

www.pennytraveller.blogspot.com

Will try to do better this time. Nyahaha

One of the earliest lessons that I learnt as a Communication student is that communication is TWO-WAY. Communicators not only talk, they need to listen too.

What's my point here?
I realise my talk-listen balance has changed a lot from secondary school till now.

In secondary school, I was pretty quiet. I was shy to give speeches. I preferred to listen, sit back and observe. And I realise I learnt a lot about people by simply keeping quiet and being an observer to the events around me.

Now, I have moods. In the right environment with the right people, you could catch me with verbal diarrhoea. In the wrong environment with the wrong people, I could be as quiet as a mouse and become wallpaper.. or in the case of Malaysia, we don't use wall paper... so become wallpaint. The bad thing about talking more is I realise I cut down on my listening time. I talk too much about me. And me . And me again. I don't wanna be a ME-ME diva. So many times I catch myself diverting a topic and making it about me. Oh no, I'm doing it again, by writing this post. But what the heck, this is MY blog.
Anyway, I realise when I listen less, I know even less about the person I am talking to. Now even when I shut up, I realise people I am having a conversation with, don't talk to fill in the silence. It's as if they are waiting for me to say something.

This is not good. I need to learn to communicate.

Okay I am twenty-one now. I wouldn't have admitted this on my blog ( I wanna stay a kid like in never never land) if not because I really wanna thank my friends(you know who you are) for making it unbelievably special. It was a fantastic weekend dinner, talking nonsense, drinking modestly and all the effort into the giant card and prezzies. I must say I can't believe God put me in such a special place with such warm, caring people. Will always remember it. Love you people.
THANK YOU MY DEARS :))

Do you freeload books and magazines when you can? I do. They're so bloody expensive (well for me la, dunno bout you) and I like to read. Or see pictures. Both.

Currently I am reading this interesting book Uncle Tom's Cabin (I proudly did purchase this one) which I surprisingly have shed tears in certain chapters. The book's about slavery, cruelty and human rights and you get the idea. (Ellie's in line to borrow this book if you were thinking of asking for it)

The other stuff I read, are well quite random depending on which lobby or cafe I am in and what books/mags they stock and I can get my hands on. Which is why I like my library. So many books, rambang mata when want to borrow. But I must say out of every five books I borrow I think I only had time to read ONE. Yes just one. After all the time and energy wasted to carry it from the library to Setia Jaya KTM station and from Subang Jaya KTM back to home. Anyhow, I am gonna miss my library when I graduate soon. Bwahahah. Wonder if I can still pretend to go in as a student.

These are some of my favourite places to read for FREE:
Cafes: Banyak banyak magazine. BUT bad thing is most of these cafes don't update their magazines. But NewsWeek is usually there... and a feature from a month ago is well, still worth a read right? Important up-to-date news can be gathered from free The Sun anyways.

Which is why I like the next place

My hair salon: Very up-todate magazines . BUT all are gossip tabloids hahah. After each hairy visit, I know more about which Hollywood goddess had a catfight, changed boyfriends or is going to jail, which seems to be quite a trend.

Bookstores: I frequent MPH since I live nearby one, they're stupid plastic wrappings make it a little harder to read the books since you got to ask for assistance to rip of the plastic for you to  'review' the book. SO heading to the magazine rack is the next best thing. I don't mind paying for women's mags like CLEO and such but Gossip Tabloids at RM 20 plus are crazy. Plus we should not support crazy paparazis and save the RM 20s for other things, like clothes and the odd 'charity' salesman with pens and bookmarks. To satisfy my Hollywood gossip hunger though, I will stand together with other freeloaders and read the magazine off the shelf :P

Office lobbies: Tasteful lobbies have good stuff. Coffee table books and such. Lousy ones who obviously don't believe in having their guests well occupied while they wait should seriously consider what kind of image they are sending out. Tattered travel magazines from two years ago? Puh-leez. Reminds me of my dentist who keeps decade old, grimy, soiled magazines with missing covers and ham-choy pages.  I had an interview the other day and the waiting area had a few but highly interesting reads, so much so that I couldn't concentrate on rehearsing my interview preparations. I picked up one with news photography from around the world. Can't remember the title, but most of the pictures were of political conflict and battle. I remember one picture very well. It was taken after a blast and this man's body was hanging over a railing with half of his abdomen blown away. You could actually see the bits of his flesh and bone in the picture. It's hard to imagine in certain places this is the day-to-day reality. In Malaysia, we're fortunate that most of our personal crisis involves us puncturing our car tyres or missing a 70% sale.

So reading is indeed expensive, especially if u have fickle tastes and don't finish a whole book like me. But by making use of good opportunities, kita bolehlah mengamalkan budaya membaca.

To understand

If it could be just as it is
If words could be words
Actions could be actions
A flower, a flower
A storm , a storm
Then life wouldn’t be like a songket
Inextricably woven and complex

But flowers are not just flowers
Neither are storms mere storms
In life both flower and storm
Live in the same realm
Flower growing on the earth
Storm trashing around it
Threatening to uproot the little flower

I tried to understand the flower
Then I tried to understand the storm
And I tried it in reverse
To understand the storm
Then to understand the flower
But yet I got no where near to understanding who you are

Forgive my blindness
Forgive my hindsight
There was never any sure way
Only many roads to try
And many I have tried

But now perhaps, just perhaps
After I’d given up trying
There could be yet one more way
I should have tried
To understand both the flower and the storm
To understand the flower in the storm

Please let me try again
For our sake
Don’t push me away
I want to try and try
In you there’s a part of me
To let you go
Is to let me go

 
I’ll try this new way
Pray that I succeed
Only time will tell
Only perseverance remains.

 

 

 

 

Some of the stuff I've been going through this week. Sorry if it is all saddening stuff, few people told me when I blog it's usually very emo. But a wise men, or rather some writer I once interviewed said, you tend to really write and express yourself only when you've hit a low. I agree with him. The tired, anguish soul gets creative to pour out the blues.

I'm so dissapointed my facial muscles plummet downwards into a frown. And it seems so heavy to lift it into a smile.

Sometimes the dreadful surprises hit me so hard, I just can't move even when the next step is so simple.

I am tired of swimming against the current to get to the spring. Am I the only one doing it? Seems like it. Or perhaps everyone does it but I'm the only one griping.

Ok will upload pictures after this to put back the yin yang balance of all this negativeness.

The latest part time job I did was an event on the Banquet floor in the magnificent KL Tower itself. It's cool to be this high, it's even above the tourists on the observation deck. Most of the events I work for are boring affairs, since I handle registration or ushering or some other mundane task, so this time around being about to look out and watch KL city spread out below made it slightly more interesting.

Today, over at Justine's house while helping her to write a resume for her first part time job application, I now realised how many part time jobs I've done. None for very long and all over the place. It all started with Customer Service at Toys r us which I quit after only 2 weeks because it was undergoing renovation, there were no customers so it was dreary. The next one, waitressing at a fast food restaurant was slightly more interesting on busy days but equally boring on slow days. I had my fair share of embarassing order mixed ups, being chided by customers and also days when customers really appreciated me serving them. It was definitely a humbling experience and the beginning of many more other part times. After waitressing which I realised was a lot of underpaid hardwork (though the experience was good) I decided to focus on getting paid more. Thus came events. I think the money for part-timing for events still has to be one of the best especially for students, but such jobs are not easily available to everyone. They don't advertise and they usually hire through their own contacts. I was lucky to have friends who knew people in the events line and thus get event jobs from there. Later on, I found an events company that actively hired students though I must say that their working environment is one of the strictest I've encountered.

Part-timing for events has led to working in so many different hotels and places. The most fun one would have to be an over the weekend thingy in PD. Working at hotel events though boring has one plus point- eating the same good food (leftover) that the delegates eat. And from experience, I think Sheraton Subang serves a really hunger inducing banquet spread.

I think perhaps it is now time to move on to something more. I am hoping to focus on experience now, as most of you know, I'll be graduating and working soon. So perhaps less pointless flyer distribution jobs. I did write part-time for a magazine though I must admit I quit too soon, thinking I was going to get a better part time job elsewhere.

So my part-time journey can be said as a pretty long one. But are they all resume worthy? I laugh to think if I have to put down flyer distribution under 'past work experience' .

The hands of the clock come together at the number 12. All is silent in the house except for the odd cicak clicking and sometimes the rather chilling human-like sound of a kitten crying. Outside home, Ahbengs are revving their mod-engines around town and the heat is on the dancefloor where skimpily dressed girls jiggle with their girlfriends and other strangers. Little kids have gone to sleep( and parents are home to accompany the icky young uns').

I love the midnights. If not out having a drink in the company of friends, it still a zen-like feeling to sit at home, quite, peace at last. No one talking nonsensically, just me and my thoughts. A bowl of Maggi. A Milo cuppa (Probably the reason I'm balooning). Some nonsense program on TV or surfing the net whilst listening to every lyric of the track playing on my laptop uninterrupted by the TV or the screaming neighbour.

How I love the midnights. Don't you too.......

I can sweep my problems under the carpet, but I discovered the feelings of anger, dissapointment and pain don't get sweeped away. In fact they stay like a dark cloud. Then a storm brews and all the feelings pour down together, mixtures of anger, dissapointment, pain but I don't know why I feel that way. Because I have swept my problems away long ago, but the emotional baggage remains. I can't remember what caused so much anger, what sparked this hate, what led to the pain, what brought me to my knees in dissapointment. I can't remember, but I feel all of it.